Today marks an all time #1 slot for the hardest day at work. My company has experienced much over the last few years with new ownership, multiple restructures and the economic downturn. While everyone has to buy groceries and many have resorted to eating at home to combat what were higher gas prices and the aconomy in general, they have changed what they put in their shopping cart as well as how much they put in it. I have been fortunate to work for a manager and a director who have guided me and taught me more than I could ever tell you. They have trusted me with new tasks that have helped me grow as an individual and as part of the team. Today we lost MANY to job cuts.
Everything that has happened unfortunately also led to the company not being unable to partner with my team as the title sponsor. We as a team weren't able to give them what they needed to drive the business to have the sponsorship dollars in return. It is a double edged sword for me. I had to realize what it meant that the business would not have the funds to participate, what that potentially meant with regards to the business and what was on the horizon. I also had to hear the disappointment from my sister cycling teammates, some more negative than others about the loss. It was hard not to respond like a caged lion at times. I saw many around me, including my sister-in-law lose their jobs in order for my company to survive. I will ride my bike no matter what, some times more than others. I will race my bike, some times more than others. I will do this no matter what is on my jersey - something or nothing.
I held in my emotions today until I said a very tearful "see you later" to my director. He and I have butted heads many times and my growth process was very painful for both of us. He has supported me so much more than I deserved at times and I am forever grateful. He will still be with the company in a different role but that doesn't comfort me because of the way my team and I depend on him to teach us how to be better at what we are doing each day. Because of the investment he and my manager have made I've become an asset instead of a liability. I know I'll grow by him not being there, I'll learn to be more independent in that way, but cutting that cord is still hard.
I am left now drained from crying, though I am probably not done. I have a survivor's guilt that I don't think I could explain. We have lost so many, not because they were doing a bad job, but just because the company had to make a change to survive. I pray for those that were eliminated, that they find more than they could have hoped for. I pray for the team I will work with moving forward that in time we find a steady pace to continue on. I pray that everyone learn to be more than grateful for what they have and truly see how much others have lost.
God bless and keep you.
